These are THE SAME PEOPLE , restatement by Max Lowen

 https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1L6sVbjTpa/ 

Or Click the pic 

Ron Cantor on Roberts Liardon

Maybe my background is such that  God has prevented a ministry .

My desperation  led me to Romans 6 and 7 material and ofcourse Norman Grubb Yes I Am . That's why I am pleased to announce there is a life off Genesis 3. The Devil has no jurisdiction off the Genesis 3 platform .

This is why the Bible announces : submit to God , resist the Devil and he will flee .

But , to realise how deep the Genesis 3 seduction lies in our very souls ....well mistakes can be big . The apostles denied the second Person of the Trinity to His very death . If any Jews think they can't possibly face this , consider the 12 and the 120 who wete petsonally trained on earth by a natural Jesus , yet all of them were the beginning of Jesus own ecclesia on earth .

What is wonderful to me is I now have articulation for why my anointing , my ministry , my calling , my message bars me from the old pyramid system . My message , crystallising through Jack Fortenberry Corinthian Elders , is that Pastor Kings are not a Melchizedek thing. We wait together before the Lord and have Psalm 123 Presence events as per 1 Corinthians 12 and the three diverses .

This takes the pressure off everything I am seeking to do . I will be surrounded by brethren and sisters who will also be ministering in Light .  Paul desctibes 14 different types of ministry in 3 lists , and it will work as the first DIVERSE works now , because our eye is single to see what the Lord is doing .

The challenge right now is enough thirdlevellers who are grounded and know Jesus in them as them (Galatians 2.20) outside meetings or even together outside meetings .

We are still having a hard time reading each other and how we all function as new creations having this inner believing .....read 1 Corinthians 12:14-26

Whether homosexual or heterosexual these are painful reads .

#############

 

‼️In 1985, Roberts Liardon tried to groom me—or at least, that is what I believe. I haven’t thought much about him in a long time. I wouldn’t be writing this post detailing his sexual abuse if it weren’t for the fact that, over the past month, I’ve seen him appear three times on socia¡¡,l media. I saw him lecturing at a major charismatic Bible school. I saw that he is hosting a conference at Christian Retreat in Bradenton, Florida. And I saw Alan DiDio interviewing him on YouTube about anointing, mantles, and impartation—not holiness, character, and self-control.

I’m writing this because I’m concerned that Lairdon is a predator. In my upcoming book, WHEN SHEPHERDS PREY, I tell the story of how I met a young Roberts while in Bible school. Because I began noti2cing him becoming more ubiquitous on social media, I did my best to find out exactly what happened between him and the youth pastor under his authority more than 20 years ago.

A YOUNG STUDENT MEETS A “PROPHET”
In 1985, I was in Bible school at Christ for the Nations—not in Texas, but at a smaller satellite school in Stony Brook, Long Island. My mentor and primary professor was Dr. Michael Brown. He was only 30 at the time and spoke in glowing terms about his friend—a 19-year-old prophet who had been to heaven. I had already read his book, I SAW HEAVEN, which my youth pastor in Virginia had given me. I was certainly intrigued.

Dr. Brown brought him to the school as a guest teacher. One day, I walked into Station Pizza, the primary off-campus hangout for students. Dr. Brown ate most of his meals there, as I recall. I walked in, and there he was, sitting with Roberts. He called me over and introduced me.

Roberts was deeply intrigued by me—almost mesmerized. He began asking me about myself and my calling. He spoke prophetically over me, saying that I had a great anointing on my life. I believe he told me that I was special.

VALIDATION AND VULNERABILITY
Understand, I was 20 years old and dealing with a lot of rejection—not only from my upbringing but also at Bible school. I was overly zealous and, frankly, too much for many of the other students. To be clear, I had a lot to learn. I was not easy to deal with. So having someone that everyone was excited to hear—a “prophet of God”—tell me that I was special was deeply validating.

He later told Dr. Brown that he wanted to spend time alone with me that weekend. He was scheduled to preach Sunday morning and evening at our local congregation, and it was arranged that I would spend the afternoon with him. I was incredibly excited.

A MASSIVE RED FLAG
After the service, I went back to the pastor’s house, where Roberts and I spent several hours together. I don’t remember much about the conversation except the most important part: he asked me if I would consider leaving Bible school to travel with him as his assistant.

That should have been a massive red flag.

He didn’t know me. He didn’t know what was best for me. Still, I was deeply intrigued and in that short period of time, imagine, traveling the world and preaching with Roberts—but I loved being in Bible school. That evening, as I walked into the service behind Roberts, carrying his books like “his boy,” Dr. Brown noticed. He came right up to me and said, “Don’t get any ideas about leaving Bible school.”

I don’t know if Dr. Brown discerned that prophetically or if Roberts had said something to him—but I sensed he was looking out for my best interest. Back then, Dr. Brown was very prophetic, to the point that students were nervous to walk by him for fear that he knew the secrets of their hearts. And it was definitely the right decision.

EARLY QUESTIONS AND LATER SKEPTICISM
I did notice that Roberts was effeminate, and I wondered about his sexual identity. There was even a distant suspicion that his motives might be nefarious. But I reasoned that there was no way someone who had "gone to heaven" and had powerful encounters with God as a teenager could be living a homosexual lifestyle.

Let me add: I’ve since grown quite skeptical of people who claim to have gone to heaven—especially when they use those encounters to gain fame. When Paul wrote about going to heaven, he did so in the third person, almost embarrassed. He said that he “heard inexpressible things, things that no one is permitted to tell.”

Yet today we have people claiming to go back and forth from heaven, writing books about it, and getting rich from it. Entire ministries have been built on alleged heavenly visits, often amplified through media platforms.

Let me show you how easy it is. I could write a book tomorrow called, "I ALSO WENT TO HEAVEN." I could make up a story: describe how heaven has so many colors we've never seen, that the laws of physics don't apply, and that I flew with angels... I'm a pretty good storyteller. No one could prove I am lying. And if I put it online or got someone who's known for interviewing people who've been to heaven to interview me, the book would sell. I am 99% sure there are people who do not fear the Lord who are doing that right now. There is a massive segment of charismatic Christianity that cannot get enough of that type of material.

Yes, I’m skeptical—but at the time, I believed it.

A MANIPULATIVE “PROPHECY”
Fast forward a couple of years. I had moved to Maryland and met a beautiful Israeli believer—Elana Vaknin. We got engaged and planned to get married that summer. When I was visiting my parents in Richmond. I heard that Roberts would be speaking and was eager to see him.

I went with a few friends, and during his message, he said at least four times: “There is somebody here who is about to marry the wrong person.” He made it appear that he was trying to preach his message, but he could not get away from this warning—someone in that audience was about to make a major life decision that was a mistake.

I was terrified. Was he talking about me? How many people in a room of fewer than 200 were engaged?

My best friend Bryan told me to ignore it. In those days, I was extremely impressionable when someone gave a “prophetic word.” I didn’t yet understand how much those words could be filtered through human emotion—or even fabricated.

Looking back, I believe Roberts may have sensed that I was getting married and became jealous. This was before I had any concrete evidence regarding his sexuality. Maybe someone had told him—I never asked. This was before social media, after all.

LEARNING TO DISCERN
I appreciated Bryan’s ability to completely dismiss the warning. We need to learn to hear from God ourselves and not become overly dependent on prophetic words—especially when they contradict what we feel God is saying, and the counsel of trusted people. Everyone in our community believed that Elana and I were meant to be together. And now, 38 years later, it’s clear that it was the right decision.

THE SCANDAL
About 15 years later, in the early 2000s, news broke that Roberts had engaged in a homosexual relationship—as a senior pastor—with his youth pastor. I was not surprised. What little was written about it did not accurately portray the situation. It was framed as consensual.

There is no such thing as a consensual sexual relationship between a senior pastor and a youth pastor under his authority.

ABUSE, NOT CONSENT
I know for a fact that the youth pastor—out of sheer agony and frustration from manipulation and abuse—ended the relationship and made plans to leave. Roberts begged him not to. The youth pastor (whose name I will not mention, and I urge others to keep it that way) called Roberts’ own pastor the next night and reported what had happened.

It was abuse. It was manipulation.

Staff members had heard rumors about Roberts’ sexual behavior in the past, but those concerns were dismissed as gossip, meant to hurt his reputation. I have reached out to leaders who were around at the time, and no one has responded. Many of them cut off the victim as quickly as possible—all except one, whose name I will also not mention.

That was more than 20 years ago.

MINISTRY AND REALITY
I’ve been in pastoral ministry since the late ’80s. You cannot be in ministry long without encountering people who experience same-sex attraction. Early on, I did everything I could to help one individual, naively believing a little that inner healing or deliverance would eliminate temptation entirely.

This led me to engage with experts. A leader of a ministry helping people out of a homosexual lifestyle, as one who once lived as a homosexual, shared with me that, after years of being happily married, he still dealt with temptation regularly. That has been consistent with most people I’ve known in similar situations.

With Lairdon becoming more visible again, it is his responsibility to address this publicly. How is he different? What guardrails does he have? Has there been any additional offenses? Does he understand that what he did was abusive?

Most of you know my position: if you have a sexual relationship with someone under your authority, it is predatory—period. No matter how anointed you claim to be, you are disqualified from public ministry. Preaching is a sacred honor, not a right.

So yes, I am deeply concerned when I see him gaining access to students who are unaware of his past. I am concerned when he teaches about the “generals of the faith,” discussing their moral failures and recovery, while withholding his own history—a history that caused deep harm to another person.v

NINETY DAYS?
Lairdon stepped away from ministry for 90 days.

Ninety days!

He used his position of power and prophetic authority to draw someone into a sexual relationship—and was sidelined for 90 days. How long do you think it took the young man he abused to find healing? I can assure you it was far longer than 90 days.

In an interview with Alan DiDio, he says, “Well, everybody great has done something stupid. Sometimes we all know about it, and sometimes we don’t. But they have all done it.” I believe he is alluding to his own failures when he says this. Part of how he justifies his behavior is by pointing to the moral failures of others—suggesting that many of the “Generals” fell in similar ways. And yes, we could certainly add more names to that list in recent history.

COMPASSION WITHOUT PLATFORM
I do have compassion for Roberts. He grew up in a dysfunctional home, even though they were all people of faith. I believe he was also exposed to things he shouldn't have been, growing up without a father in the house. That part is his story to tell, but I only mentioned it to say that while I don’t believe he should be in ministry, I am concerned for the wholeness of his soul. Every person, through repentance, can be restored to Jesus.

Did he go to heaven? Did Jesus appear to him and tell him to study God’s generals? I don’t know. I don’t particularly care.
I care about him as a person. My prayer is that he finds full and lasting healing. But not as a minister.

And as someone who believes he began grooming me when I was a Bible student, I do not believe Roberts Lairdon should have access to young, impressionable students who are hungry for God and easily captivated by claims of heavenly encounters and spiritual authority.

A FINAL WORD ON THE CHARISMATIC MOVEMENT
Roberts has long emphasized the power and anointing that flowed through the “generals of the faith.” I see similar tendencies in parts of the charismatic world today—an overemphasis on apostolic authority, prophetic utterance over nations (that are mostly wrong with no accountability), and apostolic decrees.

To be clear, I am 100% charismatic. I believe the Book of Acts is a blueprint for the Church today. But the original apostles put more emphasis on personal sanctification, humility, in spiritual formation.

But too many excuse sexual sin as a minor obstacle rather than a disqualifying issue.

That is why people can overlook what Roberts did. This is why shepherds who prey are rarely disciplined effectively. Abuse is often overlooked. Crimes are often not reported to the authorities. Nothing can interfere with this great man of God’s calling. Certainly not God’s standards.

A SOBERING WARNING
Let me close with the words of Pastor Alexander Venter:

"Personal sanctification from the works of the flesh and old patterns of uncrucified appetites—that come out in living a double life sexually among leaders, where they are molesting young girls, having affairs behind the scenes, and stealing money—money, sex, and power. So, power abuse, driven by unmet ego needs and platform-driven ministry.

"All of this underlying reality points to a lack of spirituality, a lack of Christian character. So spiritual formation, character development—the old theological word, sanctification—is all but absent in restoration theology (that you find in Bickle, Wagner, Joyner) because it’s all about: if you have the restoration of the Holy Spirit in your life, you’re fine. You’re now equipped as the Elijah generation to join Gideon’s army and wreak havoc in the kingdom of Satan and bring revival. Just pray and preach and prophesy, and revival will come.

"Whether you are still struggling with unresolved inner issues—both from past wounds as well as uncrucified flesh, even disordered sexual appetites—that’s not considered a major issue, because the Spirit is seen as empowering you to do the work of the kingdom regardless."

Jesus went Mafia about the abuse of kids . Millstone neckties and sea.

 The Pop World 

Click this image for this indepth study on Lost Prophets Stuntman . The Vatican picture is apicture and report .

Viewer discretion on content and language , but it is the bravest reporting I have come across on this lead singer .  ( IS SRA CULTURE IN THE BACKGROUND SOMEWHERE ?)

The Vatican 

Emmanuela Orlandi, a citizen of Vatican City, was just 15 years old when she vanished on her way home from a music lesson in Rome. The case received worldwide attention due to the public appeal of Pope John Paul II for her release after an unnamed terrorist organisation claimed to be holding the girl in exchange for the liberation of Mehmet Ali Ağca, the Turkish terrorist who apparently tried to assassinate the Pope two years prior. 

But this turned out to be smoke and mirrors, and had nothing to do with her disappearance. This revelation brought even more attention to the case.

To this day, her disappearance remains a mystery and is still being investigated.

Was she taken by the Church? Snatched up, abused and murdered? These claims also received major headlines in 2012, but were dismissed as conspiracy theories. Despite the fact that the conspiracy perspective may be true, the source of these claims is what had people paying attention: it was 85-year-old exorcist Gabriele Amorth (1925-2016). 

Amorth was the Holy See’s chief exorcist for 25 years. What would lead such a position in such a high position  within the Church to make such a claim? It couldn't have just come out of thin air; he must have been privy to information and experiences during his time in the Vatican Church that led him to share his opinion. 

But who knows? 

Amorth claimed on multiple occasions that Orlandi was kidnapped by a member of the Vatican police for sex parties with members of the Church and high-ranking foreign diplomats. and then murdered. Amorth claimed that officials of an unnamed foreign embassy were involved as well. He has also claimed that this is not an isolated incident, but rather something that has happened multiple times over many years with many children. 

In 2010, Father Amorth told The Telegraph that:

"The Devil resides in the Vatican, and you can see the consequences… The evil influence of Satan was evident in the highest ranks of the Catholic hierarchy, with “cardinals who do not believe in Jesus and bishops who are linked to the demon.”

It's no secret that multiple high-ranking Vatican officials and members of the Church have been implicated in pedophilia and ritual abuse. These accusations have spanned across decades and even include multiple Popes, and other high-ranking officials like Cardinal George Pell, who was convicted on five counts of child sexual abuse despite the fact that these convictions were eventually dropped. 

Not long ago, Carlo Maria Vigano, former Apostolic Nuncio to the United States and Secretary-General of the Governorate of Vatican City, implicated multiple people, including Pope Francis, in sexual abuse or at least facilitating sexual abuse within the Church. 

In 2015, a lawyer by the name of Ulrich Weber uncovered that for the thirty-year reign of the boys choir run by Benedict XVI’s elder brother, approximately 600 boys with a “high degree of plausibility” were victims of sexual and physical abuse, or both. The report identified 500 cases of physical abuse and 67 cases of sexual abuse committed by a total of 49 people in a position of power within the church.

This is where mainstream media's coverage of Amorth's claims fail. Although they mentioned his accusations as conspiratorial, one who is aware of the allegations against many within the Vatican would at least lend an ear and think on Amorth's claims. It's unfortunate that they are not so far fetched. Conspiratorial is definitely the wrong word. 

According to Malachi Martin, an Irish Catholic priest and writer on the Catholic Church who was originally ordained as a Jesuit priest and then became Professor of Palaeography at the Vatican’s Pontifical Biblical Institute"

“Most frighteningly for [Pope] John Paul [II], he had come up against the irremovable presence of a malign strength in his own Vatican and in certain bishops’ chanceries. It was what knowledgeable Churchmen called the ‘superforce.’ Rumours, always difficult to verify, tied its installation to the beginning of Pope Paul VI’s reign in 1963. Indeed, Paul had alluded somberly to ‘the smoke of Satan which has entered the Sanctuary’. . . an oblique reference to an enthronement ceremony by Satanists in the Vatican. Besides, the incidence of Satanic pedophilia – rites and practices – was already documented among certain bishops and priests as widely dispersed as Turin, in Italy, and South Carolina, in the United States. The cultic acts of Satanic pedophilia are considered by professionals to be the culmination of the Fallen Archangel’s rites.”

The most powerful places on Earth, presidencies, Prime Ministers, Royal Families, The Vatican and the Catholic Church, Hollywood, seem to be a cesspool of corruption, yet they have a tremendous amount of impact and say what direction and what we choose to do here on planet Earth.

What are you going to do when......?

2026 slavery in Pakistan and India: Generational Brick Kiln Slavery

from 24th March 2026 Guardian article......fresh as fresh sadly, including organ selling


 Stephen Bartlett raised the issue of an Iranian Doctor who lost his job as a doctor in Iran, relocated to USA and was forced to take a job as  a toilet cleaner. He describes the loss of esteem, the resulting alcoholism.

So what happens when AI causes more and more layoffs???

The dangerous thing is the way that normally people my buy a plot of land and  resource the earth's ability to grow amazing crops from just one seed. Except land is being bought up and supply chains are either locking out those they want to lock out or worse, the supply chains themselves are becoming hugely automated into hugely dubious manufactured versions of our food.

Back to esteem loss. Imagine the first Iraelites being given a space in Goshen because of the Prime Minister, Jacob's son  Joseph, who obviously prefigures the heavenly promotion to king of Jesus.
But in this story , the Israelites are made slaves.

If you look down my blog LHS you can see the link to Suzanne Vega. I was merely pointing out that both Suzanne Vega and myself felt independently inspired to write songs about Jacob and Peniel.
You will notice the picture of me cleaning loos in a pub. After the 2008 crash , I lost a huge part of my piano round which never returned , and I made up my income by getting up early to fulfil a daily cleaning contract. I also did a brief stint doing the same at a local perfume factory.

After years of self employment it was interesting to feel what it is like working in corporation settings at the lowest end. I have a strong sense of who I am and how I was raised, coupled with a strong background in the 80s first UK stabs at baptised in the Spirit community living........ but the nature of the cruel and mathematically useless pyramid system , or as Karen Hao expresses pyramid : Empire thinking is a loss of individuality and the purpose we were put on earth for. 

Both in an earthly sense and as sons of God, and not necessarily in that order, we must despise this lying se of surroundings  and while we may be restricted to operating in these environments.....a bit  like prisoners in a dehumanising Gulag we must hold to the truth of who God has made us.

One of the effects of writing on this blog and so frequently  on Facebook , is a fourth quartile St John type of personality "coming up for air" as I speak out and address truths. Whether I do spoken film clips either read out , or speaking without prompt, I believe I am speaking out the very future of living beings coming to know the things of the Holy Spirit where His purpose with us is to take the hidden things of Jesus  and reveal them to us.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

If

 

If your eye be single then your body shall be filled with LIGHT
I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints
Blessed Be the pure in heart for they shall see God
 To You I have raised my eyes,
You who are enthroned in the heavens!
2 Behold, as the eyes of servants look to the hand of their master,
As the eyes of a female servant to the hand of her mistress,
So our eyes look to the Lord our God,
Until He is gracious to us.

I advise you to buy from Me gold refined by fire so that you may become rich, and white garments so that you may clothe yourself and the shame of your nakedness will not be revealed; and eye salve to apply to your eyes so that you may see. 19 Those whom I love, I rebuke and discipline; therefore be zealous and repent. 20 Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me. 21 The one who overcomes, I will grant to him to sit with Me on My throne, as I also overcame and sat with My Father on His throne. 22 The one who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.’”

 The Holy Spirit shall glorify me: for he shall receive of mine, and shall shew it unto you.


Seeing is Central. It is not the side issue people have made it while living front of house as though we are self run souls.

AI Whistleblower Karen Hao : We are being gaslit by the AI companies

 AI Expert and award- winning expert Journalist Karen Hao talks to Stephen Bartlett

She explains: ◼️Why the US-China “AI arms race” may be misleading and politically driven ◼️The truth behind the Pentagon using Claude for military strikes ◼️Why AGI is a marketing scam used to consolidate trillion-dollar power ◼️How agentic AI like OpenClaw will automate desk jobs within 18 months ◼️The hidden human cost behind AI training

Click the Pic

Heirarchy Kids and Psychic Weaponisation by Jessie Czebotar on Aquarius Rising South Africa

 

How the world is run : The Four Quadrants, Jessie Czebotar

 Click the Pic

God's Risk

 

Ministry Training - A More Biblical look

 
So he's haring around in the Pentecostal - scalping and magic showman fashion , and he has a heart attack in 1961, and a bit like David and his anger over the new cart, Morris Cerullo asks God resentfully what that is about ?

' God says , "Son,build Me an army ,"

Morris sits on that one for a while then launches a 6 month School of ministry in the El Cortez hotel in San Diego .

He learns that a better use of time and money is to hire huge sport stadiums and venues , do evening crusades to masses and do Schools of Ministry during the day time when he would bring in twenty to thirty cutting edge international ministries .

The Holy Spirit impartation power in the New Covenant is such that you can forcefully plant a seed or even the whole thing in a short time .

Many of the biggest ( secondlevel ) churches were built through people grabbing hold of Spirit ppwer 

and principles at these Schools of Ministry .

Early groundwork was achieved at Rees Howells Bible College . This was both living alongside a person with international calling to intercession, as well as impartational teaching.

How do I know ? I don't know anybody else but just one bedroom had Rheinhard Bonnke in and Bryn Jones . That's not bad for just one Bible College bedroom!!!

There's not one Bible College or seminary or church or YWAM university understands training for ministry . They all get some of it but they aren't reading their Bibles properly .

Jesus brokering the New Covenant .

Yes He came perfect but having laid His glory aside .

- He was God learning Mandom for 30 years as a man .

Being aquainted with us at all points but without sin .

- He learned life Proverbs 3.6 style without succumbing once to any Genesis 3 initiation .

- At 30 baptism in water .....to fulfil all righteousness ....He was perfect so it wasn't for  cleansing......this baptism and anointing.....well think of it as a whole body dedication or Romans 12.1 portal into a brand new thing on the earth .....the Priesthood of the Order of Melchizedek.

So already the Bible is describing two things  not a training on earth makes absolute enough .

If you read Norman Grubbs book on Rees Howells you will get some faith training patterns 

WE HAVE TO LEARN TO COME OFF THE GENESIS THREE PLATFORM ...not only in our spirit which Jesus already did for us, but in our soul . We have to go through the Cross . In different ways we lose everything to gain things back in a resurrection here and now.  We have the Matrix pipes pulled out , so as new autonomous Christ me Galatians 2.20 persons God can ADD things back to us ....and we control the things from the Holy Spirit out , rather than Matrix feed pipes using us from the rear as their avatar .

It's kind of handy to have both the Matrix film memes and Avatar film memes to help us understand how spiritual AND MANY NATURAL things operate .

We learn ZÖE LIFE FAITH IN THE MUDDY FIELD TO GET THE TREASURE 

OR THE PARABLE OF THE SERVANTS IN THE FIELD .....PART ONE ....THE FIELD .

Jesus , the God who created the universe took 30 years . Jus' sayin'. Don't beat yourself up .

Part Two of that parable would be the Master's House .....UNTIL HE IS SATISFIED .

Jesus did things Himself in that order .....but really they changed with His teaching.

His teaching ....a bit like Moses with Joshua and Elijah teaching Elisha , is a COMBO .

Jesus teaches life and heavenly protocols im tandem ....and ofcourse one is a material shadow of the other in any case .

Book of Ezra and Book of Nehemiah .

After Acts 2 we get further acceleration .

Yup .

After baptism in the Spirit we learn to go into our inner room .....but unlike non born again meditation , Jesus lives there ....we shut our soul doors to our customary soul union with the devils tree of good andevil ......and teach our soul some more Christ union life , fellowshipping with the Father of our souls.

But the other acceleration area is both the holy place and 1 Corinthians12 church ....the pillar and ground of truth .....the only place on earth we can learn life off the Genesis 3 platform and also living from our new  Psalm 123 single eye .

That's not all . When Jesus ascended He did something else Morris Cerullo was doing but our solo pyramid synagogue builders refuse to do all over the earth .....Jesus gave gifts to men .

Paul describes 14 different  ministry gifts in 3 lists :

Ephesians 4.11...

Ecclesia founding ones 

Romans 12.6-8 and 1 Corinthians 12:27 -8

I was in Bible House with 20 to 30 others for 6 years . Talk about unspeakable things coming to the surface !!!! But it gave some initial insight to how fast true thirdlevel church can be and that certainly is what Ephesians 4 seems to say .

We have seen Morris Cerullo heading off on this direction with only a few days ministry , YWAM with 12 weeks , and Bible House with one or more years. Self righteous middle class and upper class people take longer because they THINK they know a lot already . WRONG. They never built on the  actual rock of Galatians 2.20 and Colossians 3 3 or  perhaps Proverbs 3.6. 

So that's why Jesus says ' unless you become  like a child you shall not see the Kingdom .'

SEEK FIRST THE KINGDOM OF GOD.......JESUS AS KING 

AND HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS ..HIS COVERING RIGHTEOUSNESS AND THE ACTUAL SPIRIT MAN SWITCH WHERE THE OLD PERSON IS GONE AND THE NEW HAS COME .....CHRIST .

AND ALL THESE OTHER THINGS WILL COME BACK  ADDED UPON THIS NEW UNION FOUNDATION....EACH THING AT THE RIGHT TIME.

Smithton Revival by Lisa Enebeli

 

There are certain days in our lives that mark us forever. Today, March 24th marks an anniversary of the Smithton Outpouring. Some have never heard of it, others have had their lives changed forever by it.

During the revival season in the 90’s where Brownsville and Steve Hill were having salvations in Florida and Randy Clark was having a healing revival happening in Toronto, Canada, a third less known move of God was happening in a little country church in Smithton, MO a town of 532 people.

Pastor Steve Gray was the senior pastor of a congregation in a town with one gas station, a few stop signs and was in the middle of a cornfield. He was offered a job years earlier in the music industry at a big church up north, but when he presented the idea to the Lord, and asked Lord what would you do? The Lord said, I would raise the dead. This kept Pastor Steve in Smithton, MO.

Little did Pastor Steve or anyone else know that March 24, 1996 would change all of their lives forever. A day that would begin history. It was just another Sunday, Pastor Steve comes walking through the same side door into the sanctuary he walked through for over 12 years, but tonight was going to be different.

When he went to greet his wife on the front row, before he could hug her, the power of God struck him like lightning and he began to jump up and down, next the congregation began to jump up and down. All of them by the altar, jumping up and down as the power of God was poured out in that one moment and it changed the course of history for many people.

Now 30 years to the day later, myself along with many others have been powerfully impacted by Pastor Steve Gray’s yes to God, saying yes, I will host a move of God. Host he did and host he does. I came in September 1999 and my life changed forever in one weekend in that little country church. Small beginnings big impact. “Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin.” (Zechariah 4:10) Happy 30 year anniversary to the Smithton Outpouring. My life will never be the same again and I will never change my mind.

You Convert the soul.....

 

Martin Revans Post and my biography

 Martin posted this extract by Akevork Almassian (must surely be one of God's surviving Armenian families???)A Syrian geopolitical Analyst and founder of Syriana Analysis

"When I read the latest batch of Epstein emails, I had the strange feeling that the story was getting bigger in the serious sense that it starts pushing you toward questions that are normally considered too heavy for polite conversation: who really rules, who owns the money, who sets the limits of what is possible, and why the world often feels like it is being managed from above while the rest of us are simply reacting from below..
"... once you start reading about the relationships around Epstein—who he met, who he advised, who he had access to, who he was bragging about representing—you begin to see something like a web, a connected network of money, ideology, and bureaucracy, where the same names show up across finance, tech, academia, and politics, and you begin to suspect that what we call democracy might be more like a stage: a circus of competing politicians who look like leaders but function, in reality, as employees of a system they do not control.
"... perhaps this is the real geopolitical significance of the Epstein emails, beyond the depravity, beyond the scandal, beyond the sensationalism: they force you to confront the possibility that the world is governed by networks, and that those networks are more durable than governments, more influential than elections, and more insulated than any official institution will ever admit."
-- Kevork Almassian

Utterly superb quote to dig out.
As was the Albert Pike letter on the foyer wall of the British Museum when I was ten or so.Because if that type written letter from 1971 was true, and it was only a small sheet of paper, and with the naivity of a kid who assumed the British Museum was an authority, that meant......
Some individual dreamed up such a thing as world wars
A united nations kind of institution
.Dreamed Of getting Israel home to its land
and that after 3 world wars the nations would be so shattered they would accept one single government over the earth.
So that was some blooming letter. Ofcourse I nudged my Dad's elbow, who just said "Don't worry about it, it's just nonsense".
Around this time, Barry Smith in New Zealand, an evangelical schoolteacher, must have come across The Protocols of the Elders of Zion. He felt God's call to alert people and left teaching in 1973. I only heard him when he came to Fleet for 5 nights around 1989. Strangely he never mentioned Protocols by name because he knew he would lose everybody instantly. Later I read Protocols and realised he designed the coathangers of every talk around several of the 24 protocols. Some people say it was written by Theodore Herzl. The English is weird ....not quite English. Maybe it was coming through Herzl's Budapest Hungarian.....perhaps it was ghostwritten ?
Since then I have been aware of the communist manifesto, the Kalergi Plan , the Frankfurt School Agenda and then seen the pattern in the Old Testament. Balak and Balaam couldn't raise a single curse against Israel so they introduced anathema......inversions of the will of God. And then within a few years the whole of the two tribeds were carted off the hallowed Nephilim and Gibborim hybrid land. Although it took Dr Michael Heiser to unearth this stuff that stares us in the face in the Bible....the Rephaim and Gibborim tribes of Canaan...the fact that they were a giant race.......it's a funny thing, modern Methodists don't exactly begin their sermons with this, if they use the Bible at all. It wasn't until 1972 that I got properly born again and baptised in the Spirit, The first sermon by a Yorkshire New Zealand pastor was on how Ted Heath was lying about the Common market and that it was really the first foothold of a European State. I told my Dad who went all demonic on me, as my wife would 50 years later.
A flood of ex witches and Satanic Ritual Abuse people are flooding onto the social media platforms to say what they were tortured never to repeat,
Meanwhile , unlike Barry Smiths Pentecostal period, we have Norman Grubb tying up the whole Bible perspective which takes us beyond the foolish virgin with the one flask of oil Pentecostal vision .....and like the disciples....we had to go there first .......but it doesnt explain what New Age and the occult Melchizedek order are copies of.
All churches on the planet are synagoues under one Circusmaster controller and it isnt Jesus Himself. So the keys Norman's Cambridge mind unlocked is the full unwarpping of what the appostles were experiencing live and what Paul was both articulating better and experiencing. The Kingdom is like an egg with three eggshells. As Christians try to break out from the inside, the world system is pecking into from the outside. And the Devil knew his time is very foreshortened so he has both been operating in extreme stealth and Deep Undewrground Bases butg with a fearful acceleration in all kind of labs and test areas while Christians are sitting idly in church singing Matt Redman or even my 1980s published song.
I was called away from worship leading also , to search out how this is working , how ecclesia really works and to share it as wide as possible, which is why my blog has been found 5.7 million times. Thirdlevel is simply finding what God is doing through you and doing it every day. Harriet Beecher Stowe had to write Uncle Tom's Cabin. Someone designed the superstraw for filtering dirty remains of water. My friend felt to go all the way to London to stand with Dr Noakes at his unfair trials about the body's own cure for cancer. GCMaf. We only do what we see God doing . Christianity as Jesus taught in His first lteachings is about our eye being single again ....(to see God only going on )

Life independent of the System ? Tajana Cekic

 

The devil negatively confirms God's Light

 

This is the lady below whose name was difficult to recall . 

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1Dono9MssC/

Open Facebook and  use this code 

Brand new hydrogen blend engine by Kawasaki

 The world’s first commercial gas engine capable of running on a 30 percent hydrogen blend is now available for order. It arrives with a warranty, a service schedule, and a price tag. Kawasaki Heavy Industries began accepting orders for the KG series hydrogen co-firing engine in late September 2025, following an 11 month verification test at its Kobe works.

The KG series engine is not designed to run on pure hydrogen, at least not yet. The 30 percent blend represents what the company calls a drop in compatibility level, meaning facilities equipped with natural gas systems can adopt the engine without replacing distribution lines or storage tanks.

The company’s gas engines division has spent more than a decade refining the underlying platform. Earlier generation KG series gas engines, which have received over 240 orders since 2011, can be converted to hydrogen co firing specifications. That means a power plant built a decade ago on natural gas can begin burning a fuel that did not exist in commercial quantities when the plant was designed. The retrofit pathway extends asset life while gradually decarbonizing fuel inputs, avoiding the capital cost of complete fleet replacement.

Click the Pic for the rest of the article 

Timothy Cho escaped North Korea at 17 and talks to Tommy Tiernan

 https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1PW5VxSmHw/

Click the pic 

Portsdown Hill Talk 14th February 2026

Evil is Closer

The Power Pusher  on Facebook writes

  I'm not sure why it is so difficult for some of you to grasp that there are people who intentionally cuddle, embrace, and feed their demons on purpose. Just like you surrendered your life to God, there are people who have fully surrendered themselves to Satan. Not symbolically. Not ignorantly. Intentionally.

There are people who drink blood. People who participate in sacrifices. People who engage in incantations and purposely summon demons. There are people who pray to Satan the way believers pray to God. There are people who empathize with the enemy. There are people who consciously and deliberately speak curses over land, over families, over ministries, over destinies, curses to delay, curses to block, curses meant to cut lives short.

Dark people.

And these are not movie characters. These are people you pass in the grocery store. People who sit in offices. People who shake your hand. These people sit in your churches. By day they smile in your face. By night they execute assignments.

But understand something clearly. These individuals are not operating in isolation. They are not random. They are influenced. They are empowered. There is structure behind what they do. There is intelligence behind it. There is hierarchy behind it.

Scripture already warned us. Ephesians 6:12 says, “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” That verse reveals organization.

Random office sample pics to get us more awake

Principalities are territorial governing spirits. They influence regions, systems, cultures, and ideologies. They operate at levels most people will never see. Powers are delegated authorities. They enforce agendas. They carry out assignments. They strengthen systems of corruption, deception, perversion, and violence. Rulers of the darkness of this world govern spiritual blindness. They work through influence, institutions, and positions of prominence to normalize darkness and make evil appear acceptable. Spiritual wickedness in high places speaks to organized evil operating in elevated seats of authority.High places represent influence, leadership, decision-making spaces. Evil does not always operate in the shadows. Sometimes it sits in boardrooms, pulpits, political seats, and cultural platforms.

There are levels. There are hierarchies. There are systems.

Just like your eyes may have been closed to the spirit realm, there are people who have gone through rituals to open theirs. Just like you would never think about summoning a demon and asking it to execute plans of destruction, there are people who deliberately summon them and partner with them to carry out destruction. Just like you would never drink a glass of blood, there are people who do. Just like you would never cut yourself and offer that blood as a covenant to darkness, there are people who cut themselves daily in devotion. Just like you would never think about sacrificing anything living, there are people who offer sacrifices for power, for access, for advancement.

You would never even consider entering into a covenant with darkness for influence. There are people who sign their names in blood. You would never attend a ritual designed to bind someone’s destiny, fracture their marriage, afflict their body, or block their finances. There are gatherings that exist for that very purpose. You would never sit in a room and strategize how to spiritually dismantle someone’s life. There are rooms where that is the agenda. You would never think to ask a spirit how to gain access to someone’s mind, how to enter through trauma, how to exploit insecurity, how to ride bloodline patterns. There are people who study those entry points. You would never dedicate your sleep hours to astral projection, spirit travel, or monitoring someone spiritually. There are people who train for it.

Do not measure the world by your innocence. Do not assume that because your conscience restrains you, everyone else’s does too. Some of you cannot fathom certain darkness because you have gates. The Holy Spirit restrains you. Conviction stops you. Conscience corrects you. There are lines you would never cross.

There are people with no gates. No restraint. No conviction. No moral boundary. No Spirit governing their appetites.

You better wake up. Stop measuring the world by your own limitations. Stop assuming that because you would never, no one else would either.

There are levels to this.

The Powerpusher, LICSW

Lori Davis on the Hillary incident Jessie Czebotar put in her affidavit or another similar incident

 Open your eyes!!! The things I’ve seen would either make you cry or throw up. I’ve learned so much over the past 7 years. I’ve watched horrific things done to children by these evil people. I’m not used to it, but they no longer have the shock effect they did originally. I’ve tried to share things but people think I’m crazy. As more truth is revealed l, you’ll see I’m not. I hope you all get to see the video of Hillary Clinton and Huma Abedin using a scalpel to cut the face of and 11-12 year old girl off as she’s screaming and Hillary puts it on her face and hovers over the girl so the girl sees her own face. Yes!!!!! This is real. I have testimonies saved. I saw the video myself. These people are that evil.

Worship goes on.......

 

Worship and prayer have been NONSTOP at SEU for 26 hours and counting.

Thousands have made a decision for Christ.

“Those who can afford it have door dashed food and shared with others. No showers. No sleep. Non stop singing, prayer & scripture reading.

People hungry for the presence of God don’t complain about services going too long.”

Jon L. Groves has been there live & testifies of the glory that has fallen all over the place.

Does my heart good

 

Really so blessed to see this recent post put up on Nathan and 
Chelsea Reynolds Facebook Page in the last 20 hours.

You can't believe the personal war they have both been in exposing the deepest darkest  facts about the Deep State system or Luciferian Internationalism,

Laughter . An account by Jessica Smith . Real Holy Spirit stuff.

 "HOLY LAUGHTER"... I don't care what people call it... it's legit Holy Spirit. My own mother was one of those mockers. I took her to Healing School with me when we were living in Florida (The River Church-- a church nick named "The Laughing Church". 

A post  on Facebook

My mom was NOT well. She could hardly walk. So many people were filled with the Holy Spirit in that place, laughing loud everywhere. It irritated my mom. She huffed. She puffed. She rolled her eyes. She complained. She criticized. She whispered, "That's NOT from God!". 

Finally, after a few hours it was lunchtime. Most of the people in Healing School left the place to eat. Me, my mom, and my aunt stayed to have lunch in our seats. The anointing in that place was still thick. 

🔥 Suddenly, in the middle of my mom's ham sandwich she started to chuckle. 

Then she started to laugh. 

Me and my aunt looked at each other. "What's so funny, Mom?" I asked. My mom could not speak. She could only laugh... harder & HARDER, she laughed. 

She bent over laughing. She couldn't stop. She laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed harder than I ever saw her laugh before. So hard she could hardly take a breath. 

After awhile I realized nothing was funny. I realized she was getting hit with the thing she mocked... "holy laugher". It was literally the Holy Spirit. 

You know what happened? She got healed. 

She wobbled in with a walker, and after 2 days she threw it out, all because God made her laugh. It's a manifestation of the Holy Spirit. Humans don't need to understand it. Gods ways are far beyond mortals ways. 

My mom's energy and strength returned. She began to recover... and it all started with the laughter from God. 

It's so interesting that God used the very manifestation of the Holy Spirit that my mom was criticizing. Now she's a believer! 

A few days later my mom told me that while she was laughing uncontrollably, she told the laughter to "STOP!" She said this several times. The laughter did stop, but too soon. She told me after she stopped laughing she heard the Lord speak to her. He said, "Next time do not stop the work of the Lord. I had more for you, but you stopped it". My mom regrets having interfered, she repented, and promised God she would never do that again. 

My mom was healed in many ways that day, but she could have received MORE healing that she needed, MORE deliverance, MORE filling. But she didn't like not having control. There are too many control freaks in the church trying to control the Holy Spirit. 

Yes, the fruit of the Spirit is "self-control", but it is the power to control yourself AGAINST SIN, NOT THE POWER TO CONTROL GOD! So many religious people want to control God. 

JOY IS A FRUIT OF THE HOLY SPIRIT. LAUGHTER IS A PRODUCT OF JOY. GOD IS USING JOY AND LAUGHTER THESE LAST DAYS TO HEAL, DELIVER AND EVEN HUMBLE PEOPLE!🔥😂🙌 

My mom was not only healed through "holy laughter", she was HUMBLED! 

Word of advice. Don't criticize things you don't understand. Pray. Seek God. Seek truth.

Nigerian Corruption and regular massacre of Christians

 English Deep State and USA Deep State are regularly putting money into the destabilisation of Africa , and they seek out corrupt individuals to bribe .

Click the Pic for more info 

Thyroid. What doctors don't know .

 
I never followed  Montreal Healthy Girl to find out what she did with her thyroid problems.  What I do know is her website was taken down during the Covid period .

Here is another person's intense but accelerated story as she made sure her life didn't end up like her Mum . I read this , and like you cannot vouch for anything this long advert is saying . But if it's true then thyroid sufferers need to hear this immediately today !!!.

https://get.tryrosabella.com/rosabella/ny1/sp

Got prescribed Levothyroxine today. The same medication that took my mother's life before she was even gone.

TSH is 4.8. Doctor says that's "high normal but symptomatic." Whatever that means. She's starting me on 50 micrograms. One pill. Every morning. For the rest of my life, probably.

I took the prescription. Walked to my car. Sat there.

Couldn't drive. Couldn't move. Just sat there holding this piece of paper.

Levothyroxine 50mcg.

My mother took this for twelve years.

I don't know what to do.

---

March 15th

Didn't fill it yet.

Husband asked why. I couldn't answer.

Just keep thinking about Mom.

She took it every single morning. 6:15 AM. Never missed a dose. Had this little pill organizer. Sunday through Saturday. Would show me every week—all seven days empty. "See? I'm taking it. I'm doing everything right."

She'd show me her lab results too. Every six months. After the endocrinologist appointments.

"TSH is 2.3. Doctor says it's perfect. The medication is working."

But she wasn't working.

Year 3, they let her go from the college. "Performance issues." She'd been a lecturer there for fifteen years. Never missed a day before the thyroid thing.

But then she was calling in sick two, three times a week.

"I just can't get out of bed," she'd say. "I sleep twelve hours and I'm more exhausted than when I went to sleep."

Her boss thought she was lazy. Making excuses.

She wasn't lazy. She was dying.

But her TSH was perfect.

I keep coming back to that.

If the medication was working—if her TSH was in the perfect range—why couldn't she get out of bed?

That doesn't make sense.

---

March 18th

Doctor's office called. "You haven't picked up your prescription."

I said I needed more time.

The nurse sounded annoyed. "Your TSH is 4.8. You're symptomatic. This is urgent."

Urgent.

Mom's TSH was 2.1 when she died. "Perfect range."

What's urgent is I don't want to end up like her.

---

March 22nd

Can't stop thinking about the weight.

Mom gained 40 pounds in eight months. Year 5 of taking the medication.

I watched what she ate. Salads for lunch. Grilled chicken and vegetables for dinner. Smaller portions than me.

I was maintaining my weight. She was gaining.

"You're just getting older," her doctor said. "Metabolism slows down. Try eating less."

She tried. Cut her portions in half.

Gained another fifteen pounds.

I remember Dad suggesting—not mean, just confused—"Maybe you're sneaking food when no one's looking?"

She didn't speak to him for three days.

Then one morning I found her in the bathroom. Just staring at herself in the mirror. Pinching the fat on her stomach.

Not crying. Just staring.

"I haven't eaten all the pies," she said quietly. "Why does everyone think I ate all the pies?"

Her TSH was 2.1. Perfect.

But her body wasn't listening.

I'm already gaining weight. Fifteen pounds in six weeks. Haven't changed anything.

What if it gets worse on the medication?

What if my TSH goes to 2.1 and I gain forty more pounds and everyone thinks I'm lying about my food?

---

March 25th

The wigs.

God, the wigs.

Year 7. She just started wearing them one day. Answered the door wearing one. Smiled like nothing was different.

"Mom. Your hair—"

"It's fine. This is easier."

She wouldn't let me see her without it. Not for two years.

When she finally did—I could see her scalp. Patches completely bald.

"Dermatologist says it's stress. Another pill."

She never wore her real hair again. Not to family dinners. Not to church. Not anywhere.

I'm losing hair now. In the shower. On my pillow. When I brush it.

Handfuls.

Started looking at wigs online last night. Researching which ones look most natural.

I'm 51. I'm researching wigs.

Mom was 56 when she started wearing them.

---

March 28th

Husband found me up at 3 AM last night. Sitting at the kitchen table with my laptop. Research articles everywhere.

"Sarah. What are you doing?"

"Research."

He sat down. Looked at the screen.

I'd typed: "does levothyroxine work for everyone"

First result: Medical journal. "25-30% of hypothyroid patients remain symptomatic on Levothyroxine despite normalized TSH."

Twenty-five to thirty percent.

One in four. Maybe more.

He didn't say anything. Just sat there reading with me.

Clicked another link. Patient forum.

"I've been on Levo for eight years. My TSH is 'perfect.' I lost my job because I kept calling in sick. Nobody believes me when I say I can't get out of bed. They think I'm lazy. But I'm not lazy. I'm dying."

That could be Mom writing that.

Another post: "Gained sixty pounds on Levothyroxine. Eating 1000 calories a day. Doctor says I must be lying about my food intake. I'm not lying."

Another: "All my hair fell out. I wear wigs now. Can't remember the last time I went out without one. Doctor says my TSH is fine. But I'm not fine."

Another: "I have no thyroid. Had it destroyed with radioactive iodine thirty years ago. Been on Levothyroxine ever since. My TSH is always 'perfect.' But I'm exhausted, freezing, gaining weight, hair falling out, can't think straight. If the medication is working, why do I still feel this way?"

My husband looked at me. "These people... they sound exactly like your mom."

"I know."

"But their doctors say the medication is working."

"I know."

"So what's happening?"

"I don't know. But I'm not filling that prescription until I figure it out."

---

April 2nd

Found something.

Was searching "can levothyroxine not work" and found a study.

"T4-to-T3 conversion requires specific nutrients and low cortisol. High stress, nutrient deficiencies, or chronic inflammation can block conversion."

Read it three times.

Levothyroxine is T4. That's the inactive form.

Your body has to convert it to T3. That's the active form. That's what your cells actually use.

If something blocks that conversion... the medication is just sitting there. In your blood. Not getting into your cells.

TSH would look perfect. Because TSH measures the signal from your pituitary to your thyroid. It sees the T4 in your blood.

But your cells are starving.

Oh my god.

What if that's what happened to Mom?

---

April 3rd

Couldn't sleep. Back at the laptop.

Searched: "cortisol blocking thyroid"

Article after article.

"Elevated cortisol inhibits 5'-deiodinase, the enzyme required to convert T4 to T3. Result: Normal TSH, normal T4, but low cellular T3. Patients remain symptomatic."

There it is.

That's the enzyme. That's the step.

High cortisol blocks it.

Found a case study: "52-year-old female. Twelve years on Levothyroxine. TSH optimal. Persistent fatigue, weight gain, depression. Salivary cortisol testing revealed chronic elevation. Cortisol-lowering intervention resulted in symptom resolution without changing thyroid medication."

Twelve years.

Cortisol.

They never tested Mom's cortisol.

---

April 4th

Went down a rabbit hole.

If high cortisol blocks the medication... what else does it do?

Searched: "cortisol autoimmune disease"

"Chronic elevation of cortisol triggers systemic inflammation. Inflammation activates immune system. Prolonged activation leads to autoimmune responses. Immune system begins attacking body's own tissues."

I sat back from the laptop.

Stared at the screen.

Mom's autoimmune diseases didn't appear all at once.

They appeared in sequence.

Year 1: Hypothyroid.

Year 4: Hashimoto's. Immune system attacking her thyroid.

Year 6: Fibromyalgia. Immune system attacking her joints.

Year 7: Chronic fatigue syndrome. Body shutting down.

Year 8: Lupus. Immune system attacking everything.

Year 9: Raynaud's. Blood vessels.

Year 10: Autoimmune gastritis. Gut lining.

One after another after another.

Like dominoes.

What if it wasn't six separate diseases?

What if it was one problem—high cortisol—cascading through six different systems?

High cortisol blocks the thyroid medication from working.

High cortisol triggers inflammation.

Inflammation makes your immune system attack you.

First your thyroid. Then your joints. Then your gut. Then everything.

Mom's doctors never tested the one thing that explains everything.

Six specialists. Twelve years.

Endocrinologist. Rheumatologist. Gastroenterologist. Neurologist. Dermatologist. Primary care.

Not one tested her cortisol.

Not once.

---

April 5th

Why was Mom's cortisol high?

She lost her job. Year 3.

They said she was lazy. Performance issues. She thought it was her fault.

She gained forty pounds everyone blamed her for. Year 5.

Her husband thought she was eating in secret. She wasn't.

Her hair fell out. Year 7. Started wearing wigs. Wouldn't leave the house without one.

They removed part of her colon. Year 10. Surgery.

She couldn't remember things. Year 11. They wanted to start her on dementia medication.

She was taking nine pills every morning.

She was watching her body fall apart piece by piece while doctors kept saying her TSH was perfect.

Of course her cortisol was high.

And nobody tested it.

Nobody lowered it.

So it just... cascaded.

For twelve years.

Until she died.

---

April 8th

I'm showing symptoms now.

Not just fatigue and weight gain.

The cold. My hands and feet are ice all the time. Turn the heat up to 75. Husband is sweating. I'm still freezing.

Brain fog. Forgot where I parked yesterday. Had to wander the parking garage for twenty minutes. Thought I was losing my mind.

At work I lose my train of thought mid-sentence during calls. Have to ask people to repeat things three, four times.

Sat in a meeting yesterday. Words on the screen didn't make sense. Read the same slide five times. Still couldn't comprehend it.

This is how it started with Mom.

Year 7. Couldn't remember her grandchildren's names. Would forget conversations we'd had that morning.

They ran cognitive tests. Said early dementia.

But it wasn't dementia.

Her cells couldn't access thyroid hormone.

And nobody checked that.

I'm on the same path.

---

April 10th

Okay so it's cortisol.

But what am I supposed to do about that?

Can't quit my job. Can't stop worrying about money. Can't un-have this diagnosis.

"Reduce stress."

Everyone says that. My doctor said that last month. "You need to manage your stress better."

As if I'm not trying.

As if I'm choosing to be stressed.

I tried meditation. Three different apps. Did it every morning for six weeks. Nothing changed.

Tried yoga. Twice a week. Still exhausted.

Cut back my hours at work. Still gaining weight.

Because my body is falling apart. THAT'S the stress.

How do I reduce stress when my stress is "I'm terrified I'll end up like my mother"?

I need something that actually lowers cortisol.

Not in my mind. In my body.

Biochemically.

---

April 12th

Searched "natural cortisol reduction"

Moringa came up everywhere.

Studies from universities in India, Philippines, Japan. "20-35% cortisol reduction with moringa supplementation."

Okay.

Ordered it. Amazon. Top rated. 4.3 stars. 8,000 reviews.

Started taking it Monday.

---

May 24th

Six weeks on the moringa.

Nothing has changed.

Still exhausted. Still gaining weight. Still freezing. Hair still falling out.

Wasted six weeks.

Ordered a different brand. Whole Foods. Organic. More expensive. Maybe that matters.

Starting today.

---

July 19th

Eight more weeks.

Still nothing.

I don't know what else to do.

Follow-up appointment is in twelve days.

Every morning I wake up exhausted. That deep, hollow exhaustion that doesn't go away no matter how much I sleep.

Every time I forget something. Where I parked. What I walked into a room for. What I was saying.

Every pound I gain. Every strand of hair in the shower drain.

I see Mom.

Year 1: Hypothyroid.

Year 4: Hashimoto's.

Year 6: Fibromyalgia.

Year 8: Lupus.

Year 12: Wheelchair.

I'm on Year 1.

What comes next?

---

July 27th

Something weird happened today.

I was in Whole Foods. Supplement aisle. Just staring at all the moringa bottles.

I'd tried two of them. Fourteen weeks combined. Zero results.

Didn't have money to waste on more supplements that won't work.

Can't afford a functional medicine doctor. Insurance doesn't cover it.

My endocrinologist already dismissed me. "TSH is borderline. You're fine."

I'm not fine.

I don't know how I keep going. But I do.

Two women talking one aisle over.

"—it's not that moringa doesn't work. Most supplements are processed wrong. High heat destroys the active compounds. You need organic, low-temperature processed with verified potency."

I froze.

Processed wrong?

I walked over. "Excuse me. What did you say about processing?"

Older woman. Name badge said "Certified Herbalist."

"Most moringa is dried at high temperatures. Fast production. Quick to market. But the heat oxidizes the polyphenols. Destroys the cortisol-reducing compounds. What's left is basically inert powder. You take it, nothing happens."

My chest tightened.

"I've been taking moringa for three months. Two different brands. Nothing changed."

"Probably processed wrong. What are you taking it for?"

"My... my thyroid. My doctor wants to put me on Levothyroxine. TSH is 4.8. But my mother took that medication for twelve years and—"

My voice cracked.

"She developed six autoimmune diseases on it. Ended up in a wheelchair."

The herbalist's face changed. Softened.

"And nobody ever tested her cortisol."

"How did you—"

"They never do. They test TSH. Say you're fine or prescribe medication. But high cortisol blocks T4-to-T3 conversion. That's why people take thyroid medication but still feel hypothyroid. The medication is there in their blood. TSH looks perfect. But cortisol won't let it activate at the cellular level."

She knows.

Someone finally knows.

"And chronic high cortisol triggers inflammation," she continued. "Inflammation triggers autoimmune responses. Your immune system starts attacking your thyroid. Then your joints. Then your gut. Then everything. It cascades."

"So the Levothyroxine didn't cause my mother's autoimmune diseases..."

"No. But it didn't prevent them either. Because high cortisol was the root problem. The medication treats the lab value. Cortisol blocks the medication from actually working. And triggers the inflammation that makes your immune system attack your body."

I couldn't breathe.

Everything she's saying—it's what I found at 3 AM. All those studies. All those articles.

But nobody in the medical system told me this.

Six of Mom's doctors. Twelve years.

This woman in Whole Foods just explained in two minutes what they never figured out.

"How do I lower cortisol?" I asked. "I tried moringa. Two brands. Nothing worked."

"The clinical studies used fresh, organic moringa. Low-temperature processing to preserve the active compounds. Most supplements aren't that. They're cheap. Fast. Ineffective."

She pulled out her phone. 

"Only one brand I trust. Rosabella. USDA Organic. Low-temperature drying. Third-party tested for heavy metals and potency. Certificate of Analysis published online. You can verify what's actually in it before you buy."

Certificate of Analysis.

Third-party testing.

Verified potency.

Not just "moringa leaf powder" on a label with no standards.

"How do I know it actually works?" I asked. "I can't afford to waste more money. I've already spent—"

I didn't finish. Couldn't admit how much.

"You'll feel a calming effect within 30-60 minutes of the first dose. That's proof the cortisol-lowering compounds are active. Then over 2-3 weeks, symptoms start improving as cortisol drops and your body can finally convert thyroid hormones properly. If cortisol is the blocker, nothing else works until you fix it first."

Within an hour?

I don't have to wait weeks wondering?

I pulled out my phone. Ordered it standing there in the Whole Foods aisle.

---

July 29th

The bottle arrived this morning.

Took the first dose. 8:30 AM.

Sat on the porch. Waited.

Didn't believe it would work. Been disappointed too many times.

8:47 AM. Nothing.

9:02 AM. Nothing.

9:11 AM.

Something shifted.

A calm.

Like someone lifted a weight off my chest.

Not drowsy. Not foggy. Not drugged.

Just... lighter.

The constant background anxiety—the tightness in my chest, the knot in my stomach, the tension in my shoulders I didn't even know was there—

It quieted.

I stood up. Walked inside. Looked at myself in the bathroom mirror.

My face looked different. Softer. Less tight.

The lines between my eyebrows—the ones from constantly worrying, constantly bracing for the next bad thing—they weren't as deep.

9:45 AM. Checked again.

The calm is still there.

Oh my god.

It's actually doing something.

---

August 5th

One week.

Woke up at 6:30 this morning. Alarm hadn't gone off yet. I just... woke up.

Opened my eyes. Sat up. Got up.

Didn't lie there for an hour willing my body to move.

Didn't hit snooze five times.

Just got up.

Husband noticed. "You're up early."

I couldn't explain it. I wasn't more rested. Slept the same number of hours.

But getting out of bed didn't feel impossible anymore.

Made breakfast. Took a shower. Got dressed.

Didn't need to rest between each task.

---

August 12th

Two weeks.

Lost three pounds.

Didn't change anything. Same food. Same activity.

Just... lost it.

And I went for a walk yesterday. Twenty minutes around the neighborhood.

Didn't crash.

Didn't need to sit down.

Blood sugar stayed stable.

My legs didn't feel weak and shaky.

I just... walked.

Came home. Didn't need to lie down for two hours.

I can exercise again.

---

August 19th

Three weeks.

Was in a meeting at work. Someone asked me a question.

I answered immediately. Full, coherent answer.

Didn't lose my train of thought. Didn't have that cotton-wrapped feeling in my brain.

Later I realized: I didn't forget where I parked that morning.

Didn't walk into a room and forget why.

Didn't lose my train of thought mid-sentence.

The brain fog is lifting.

---

August 26th

Four weeks.

Ran my hand through my hair in the shower this morning.

Ten strands came out. Maybe fifteen.

Not forty. Not clumps.

Just... normal shedding.

Checked the shower drain. Barely any hair.

Checked my pillow. One or two strands.

My hair is still thin. Can still see my scalp in places.

But it's not falling out in handfuls anymore.

I don't need to buy wigs.

---

September 1st

Called my sister tonight.

"I can think clearly again," I told her.

Silence on the other end.

"Sarah... how?"

I explained everything. The cortisol connection. Why Levothyroxine fails. Why Mom suffered even with perfect TSH. The processing methods that destroy most moringa supplements. The Certificate of Analysis. The difference between oxidized garbage and bioactive compounds.

"I felt it working within 41 minutes," I said. "First dose. A calm. Like someone turned down the stress dial in my body. Then over the next few weeks—energy came back. Lost eight pounds. Brain fog lifted. I can exercise without crashing. Hair stopped falling out."

Her voice cracked. "If this works—if you don't end up like Mom—"

"It's working. I promise."

"I'm ordering it," she said. "Right now."

---

September 8th

Follow-up appointment today.

Nurse took my blood. Checked my weight: Down eight pounds.

Dr. Roberts came in. Pulled up my results on her tablet.

Looked at the screen. Frowned. Scrolled. Looked again.

Looked at me.

"Sarah. Your TSH is 3.1."

Silence.

"Down from 4.8. Without medication."

She waited for me to explain.

I told her. Organic moringa. Cortisol-lowering. Low-temperature processing. Third-party tested. Certificate of Analysis.

"Cortisol was blocking conversion," I said. "Once I lowered cortisol, my body could actually use the thyroid hormones it was making."

She typed notes. Nodding slowly.

"Your symptoms?"

"Better. Sleeping through the night. Lost eight pounds. Brain fog is gone. Hands and feet aren't cold anymore. Hair stopped falling out. I can exercise without crashing."

She closed the tablet. Looked at me.

"Whatever you're doing, continue. These numbers are improving without medication. We'll recheck in three months. If this trend continues, we may not need Levothyroxine at all."

May not need Levothyroxine.

No twelve years on medication with perfect labs while my body falls apart.

No autoimmune cascade.

No wheelchair.

I walked to my car. Got in. Sat there.

Then I called my husband.

"TSH dropped to 3.1. Symptoms are better. No medication."

I heard him exhale. Then his voice broke.

"Thank God. Sarah, I was so scared you'd—"

"I know. Me too."

---

Today

It's been eight weeks since I started the real moringa.

Went to get my labs drawn this morning. Results came back this afternoon.

TSH: 2.4.

Normal. Optimal.

No medication.

No following Mom's path.

No Year 4 Hashimoto's. No Year 6 fibromyalgia. No Year 8 lupus. No Year 12 wheelchair.

Went hiking with my daughter yesterday. Four miles. Up a mountain trail. Carried a backpack.

Didn't even get winded.

At the summit she grabbed me in a hug. "Mom! You did it! Can we do this every weekend?"

My throat tightened. My eyes burned.

Because the answer was yes.

And because I thought about Mom.

Who never got to say yes.

Who spent twelve years too exhausted to hike. Too heavy to climb. Too cold to leave the house. Too foggy to remember.

While her TSH was perfect the whole time.

I'm not following her path.

I found the exit before the trap closed.

---

What I Know Now:

TSH doesn't measure whether your cells can access thyroid hormone. It measures your pituitary's signal. Those are different things.

You can take thyroid medication every day and still be hypothyroid—if cortisol is blocking the conversion from T4 to T3.

Autoimmune diseases don't "just happen." They cascade. High cortisol triggers inflammation. Inflammation triggers immune system dysfunction. Your body starts attacking itself. First one system, then another, then another.

Standard medical protocols don't test cortisol. Not because it doesn't matter. Because it's not in the protocol.

Most moringa supplements are processed wrong. High heat destroys the active compounds. You're taking expensive sawdust.

The version that works—organic, low-temperature processed, third-party tested, Certificate of Analysis published—you can verify before you buy.

You'll feel it working within an hour. The calming effect. Proof the cortisol-lowering compounds reached your bloodstream.

Then over weeks: symptoms improve. Energy returns. Weight comes off. Brain fog lifts. Hair stops falling out. Exercise becomes possible.

Your TSH improves. Whether you're on medication or not.

Because you removed the blocker.

---

I'm writing this down because I want to remember.

Six months ago I was terrified.

Holding a prescription for the medication that failed my mother.

Watching my body start the same decline.

TSH 4.8. Symptoms worsening. No options.

Thought I was trapped.

But I wasn't.

The trap was believing:

- TSH tells the whole story (it doesn't)

- Medication always works if TSH normalizes (it doesn't)

- Doctors test for everything relevant (they don't)

- Autoimmune diseases are random bad luck (they're not)

- Stress is psychological and can't be fixed biochemically (it can)

- All supplements are the same (they're not)

Once I stopped believing those things—once I saw the contradictions—the path became clear.

High cortisol blocks everything.

Lower cortisol, everything works again.

Simple.

Not easy. But simple.

---

I don't know who will read this.

Maybe no one.

Maybe just me in ten years, looking back.

But if you're reading this and you see yourself in my story—

If your TSH is 4.8 like mine was. Or 8.2. Or 11. Or you're already on medication and your TSH is "perfect" but you still feel awful.

If you're exhausted all the time. That deep exhaustion that doesn't go away no matter how much you sleep. The kind where getting out of bed feels impossible. Where basic self-care—showering, getting dressed—takes everything you have.

If you've gained weight you can't lose. Tried every diet. Cut your calories to 1000, 800, 600 a day. Gained more weight. Have people suggesting you're eating in secret.

But you're not. You haven't "eaten all the pies." Your body just isn't working.

If your hair is falling out. Not thinning. Falling out in clumps. You can see your scalp. You've thought about wigs. Or you're already wearing them.

If you're freezing all the time. Wearing three layers when everyone else is in short sleeves. Space heater at your desk. Socks to bed in summer.

If you have brain fog. Forget where you parked. Walk into rooms and can't remember why. Lose your train of thought mid-sentence.

If you tried to exercise and crashed. Blood sugar dropped. Extreme fatigue. Weak legs. Had to sit down. Now you don't even try.

If you have multiple diagnoses. Started with hypothyroid. Then Hashimoto's. Then fibromyalgia. Then chronic fatigue. Another diagnosis. Then another.

If you're on five medications. Seven. Ten. And you still don't feel okay.

If you can't afford another specialist. Insurance won't cover functional medicine. Your endocrinologist says your TSH is fine.

But you're not fine.

---

What I want you to know:

If I hadn't overheard that conversation in Whole Foods, I'd be on Levothyroxine right now.

My TSH would probably be perfect within three months.

And in five years, I'd probably have Hashimoto's.

In seven years, fibromyalgia.

In eight years, chronic fatigue.

In ten years, lupus.

Just like Mom.

Because the Levothyroxine would "work"—it would normalize my TSH.

But it wouldn't lower my cortisol.

And cortisol would block the medication from actually working in my cells.

And cortisol would keep triggering inflammation.

And inflammation would keep making my immune system attack my body.

Over and over and over.

But I had a choice I didn't know existed.

I fixed cortisol first.

Not instead of medication. Not against medication.

Just removed the blocker. So everything else could work.

That choice changed everything.

---

The brand is Rosabella.

USDA Organic. Low-temperature processing. Third-party tested. Certificate of Analysis published at get.tryrosabella.com/rosabella/ny1/sp 

I verified it before I bought it. Saw the testing data. The processing certifications. The potency guarantees.

I felt it working 41 minutes after the first dose. The calming effect. Proof the cortisol-lowering compounds were active.

Then week by week: symptoms improved. Energy. Weight. Clarity. Hair. Exercise tolerance.

TSH dropped from 4.8 to 2.4 in eight weeks.

No medication needed.

There's a 90-day guarantee. Try it. Track symptoms. If it doesn't work, get your money back.

I risked nothing.

And got my life back.

---

I'm writing this because I needed to process what happened.

How close I came to following Mom's path.

How one conversation in a supplement aisle changed everything.

How turning over each false belief—one by one—revealed the truth underneath.

If you read this and something clicks—if you see the contradictions I saw—if you realize your TSH being "perfect" doesn't mean your cells can access the hormone—

Then maybe this diary entry finds you at the right time.

Maybe you're standing where I was six months ago.

Holding a prescription. Terrified. Trapped.

You're not trapped.

There's an exit.

I found it.

You can too.

— Sarah Chen

January 2026