Sunday 31 May 2009

KMOO Rollout Has Been Success!


This week leaders from both the United Nations and the European Community were celebrating the success of the initial rollouts of the KMOO programme in marriage, childcare, finance and religion. Although KMOO is virtually unknown in its abbreviated form in the wider world, leaders have been designing and shaping programmes for decades according to a worldwide KMOO philosophy.

KMOO is simply an abbreviation of Keep My Options Open.It is a philosophy that has been found to be entirely in keeping with the modern understanding of our evolution as human beings. It takes its basis from the survival of the fittest and is completely at odds with the older traditionalist and non-secular view of religion.

One of the most well-known applications of KMOO has been in the field of human relationships. Usually referred to as "living together", KMOO marriage has been found to be the most pragmatic answer to instructing large numbers of people in preparation for marriage and building family units.

In former times, the largely religious view was felt to be far too demanding , both in its frameworks which required more complex understandings of largely discarded philosophies such as fidelity, and love which considers the partner's wishes above his or her own. With population numbers and population densities increasing, the long and complicated explanations of such matters are now considered by most, as unwieldy and at worst as impractical in a world where the average attention span of most humans is 12 minutes 30 seconds.Possibly less straight after watching XFactor.

The greatest successes have been the changeover in education where KMOO has been applied. By encouraging sexual experimentation with numbers of partners by focussing more on the mechanics of contraception, the previous poor use of time management whereby elders and supervisers would try and prevent the young from too serious involvement with each other too soon in life, has now been discarded in favour of leaving them to get on with it, thus leaving the older generation more hours to go about their own concerns.

KMOO has its detractors however. Craig Little of Pro Family Management, a traditionalist social education hub in the UK, has brought up the issue of the UK having the largest teen pregnancy figures in Europe. KMOO enforcers , in reply have called for thicker, more durable condoms.

Craig Little recently also brought up the question of longterm psychological problems caused by partners breaking their relationships whenever small to medium problems emerged while co-habiting in KMOO marriages. The international KMOO thinktank have collected data on these matters, and while their psychologists have observed an increase in the levels of depression, often hidden under layers of displacement behaviour, with professional help most return to relative normality in 20- 30 years. This , they believe is a small price to pay rather than the high financial cost of providing some kind of secular alternative education to get over the complicated concepts formerly taught at no cost by churchmen in earlier centuries in their sermons.

KMOO behaviour, it is insisted has led to very "colourful and varied" existences as mixed parents and mixed siblings learn to appreciate and blend with their new extended families. This has also led, they point out, to the proliferation of Theme Parks and Macdonalds outlets, where the doting single parent can take his or her children on the one day per week they may see their offspring. Children largely learn to adapt to their new conditions and are well able to bury their hurts for the 20 or 30 years necessary to function as relatively normal, but medicated individuals in the modern workplace.

Kaye Volkhardt of the Traditional Marriage Bureau challenges the KMOO vision of relationships when she says"Partners who live together know only a kind of "present commitment". They have never known the joy of abandonment of any other agenda to a lifelong mutual commitment to another being. They miss out on knowing that their partner has made a firm bottomline decision to be with them and them alone."

KMOO specialists dismiss this as an ostrich view of life, which denies that the world has moved on into a fuller understanding of "survival of the fittest", and "getting on at the expense of the other".

KMOO Childcare

Perhaps the greatest success in KMOO development has been the implementation of laws in the field of Childcare. In later years this has indeed concerned greater provision of child care, but since the 1960's KMOO childcare has usually used the more abstract word "abortion". This involves the careful implementation of a parent's choice to benignly end a child's life. KMOO experts have found it far less emotive and effective to use medical vocabulary like foetus and termination.

This gives great freedom to the parent and greatly adds to a KMOO enjoyment of life.

Craig Little has long opposed abortion and asks healthcare providers if anyone has considered the rights of the unborn child? He doubts whether the use of medical words has any effect for the unborn child, whose rights are diminished in the same way whether emotive terms such as killed or impersonal words such as foetus or termination are used. Either way, its life is stopped.

Again KMOO proponents see only a success story, since neither the parent nor the state have any ongoing costs to find, the parent can continue to be in full time work, supplying more tax payments to further develop KMOO political advances. It is a win-win situation that would be extremely expensive and troubling to reverse, and would in turn in no way conform to the tenets of "survival of the fittest" and Darwin.

In the last few years the KMOO philosophy of religion has been so succesfully implemented in schools, that its fundamental tenets are now being applied to high finance and politics. And nothing has been found to work better in both when moving from bull to bear markets, from highrolling investment to market crashes.

It enables both high bankers, industrial heads and politicians to keep their powerbase when ordinarily in the weaker models of centuries past, they would have lost their power, and most probably their lives.This is one of the great strengths in KMOO development; learning how to create a smokescreen of such brilliant intensity that everyone is afraid to identify such fundamental questions as responsibility which so threatened stability in historical settings. By removing this base and worthless principle and instituting the far more Darwinian "power for power's sake" , groups of individuals are better able to leverage exit strategies that are ultimately more appealing than simply "losing one's head" for the sake of any cause. So high bankers, industrial heads and political groups keep in power longer,while their power vehicle may change completely. This , it has been found by KMOO educators, has been a much more encouraging carrot for school leavers and university graduates who seek to learn from KMOO successes and follow on in their train.

What was it about rolling the KMOO philosophy of religious education into schools that acted as such a stimulus to these other areas? Leon Schmitten of EU council Affairs explains, " The old model of unity based on any solid foundation such as "truth" , say, was found to be unworkable in such a large field of opposing opinions. By creating a climate where everybody's tenets of faith are continually presented in unmanageable quantities , everybody's minds are so overworked that it better suits our framework of "Keeping All the Options Open" continually, so no one is embarrassed by ever having to nail his decision to one particular mast. This keeps every party happy that their side is being discussed openly and freely, without having to undergo the frictions that deciding for one route or one course was ultimately the correct way." Leon said this policy had been found to work in such a stupendous way in teaching RE in schools.

Charles Gridlock of CTS (Christianity Today in Schools) disagrees. "Presenting Christianity as in any way equal to other religions is false for these reasons, whether a person wishes to ultimately follow its tenets.

Firstly no other religion has laid itself bare when it comes to prophesying the end from the beginning. From declaring x hundred details about what the Messiah would be like, down to how things will wind up on Earth. No other religion has been that stupid, or accurate, depending on your belief.

Secondly no other religion has been stupid enough to declare "another agent" other than man himself for his salvation. All other religions construct their own hoops through which a man may leap. And many versions of Christianity have stooped back down to this model rather than accept their own core original beliefs".

KMOO maintain that while these things may be so, their method has galvanised a lot more disparate groupings together into one manoeverable mass, than has ever been acheived by getting people to believe a certain way.

Charles counters with another problem as he sees it. "The Bible maintains that its method, which it self-titles as folly, is to be disseminated through what it calls "the folly of preaching". By removing access to this, disallowing it in another words, Christianity has declined in schools to the level of one of many historical teachings that fly in the face of the popularly-assumed superior Darwinian model of understanding."

"And the problem is..?" ask KMOO representatives Richard Dawkins,Brian Eno and Philip Pullman.

"The problem is no schoolboy or girl in this day and age is once encountering Christianity properly during the whole of their school life."replies Gridlock"They only hear vague and disputable ideas about Christianity third hand."

"Exactly" , say KMOO. "This removes choice, and this is what we ultimately stand for. Our ideas which stand for the "survival of the fittest" have indeed been shown to be the only ones fit for survival."

On the back of 40-50 years of stupendous success, KMOO are now proposing rolling out new forms of KMOO contracts in areas such as banking, mortgage-lending and army recruitment.

The Head of KMOO policy in the UK , Mr.Lionel Greyshade, explains.

"The old forms of commitment such as marriage have been shown to be too unworkable, so we will be initially rolling out "Present Day" commitment forms in fields like house buying. The lender will pick a house and simply say "I'd like to live in it until such time as it doesn't suit me any longer and then move on instantly to another dwelling. "The loan institution will take back the lion's share of the property that the borrower has spent several years paying for, in the manner of a divorce or partnership breakdown, and the house buyer will then move off virtually penniless to another property."

"Isn't that virtually the same as property rental?" we asked.

"Similar, but its got a better KMOO title...Present Day commitment mortgages. Sounds current and more up to date."

Army Generals, faced with recruitment problems are now considering KMOO as their only hope. Present Day Army contracts are being developed this year which fully tally with KMOO objectives.

"I promise to join the army and serve it as long as it suits me.Should I feel at a later date that it is asking too much from me, namely my life, I will move on to another job or unemployment."

KMOO were finally asked whether they thought that in the long term their tenets of faith were largely unworkable? What matters in life, is what matters now, was the reply.

author's rights reserved:Chris Welch May 2009

(In true Iggy style, can I just state that this has been a spoof. I do not hold to this belief system nor recommend it. )


Unknown said...

Now wait a minute partner... the blog you linked to does have a bit of satire at times, but does reflect my "reality" for the most part... as strange as it is at times! LOL!

But with my ODMafia blog I guarantee that whatever you read there, I most likely think the opposite.

Anyone confused yet?

Love ya man,


Chris Welch - 07000INTUNE said...

One of the most offbeat but stimulating posts was the video of Australian atheists door knocking Mormons in Utah